I have never been a list maker or a much disciplined person; it has always been a liability for me. I have gone through life, flying by the seat of my pants, always having to have my back against the wall, and then fighting my way out, but what assets I have in this position, is having a strong faith that God has always had my back. I didn’t always recognize this, because I was so self-centered in my thinking, that I believed I was in charge, I was raised with that thought. This took a long time to change, when I found recovery, I was taught, there were things that I never had power over, this was easy to see centering around addiction and alcoholism, but not easy to see on my entire life. I just couldn’t see the total un-manageability of my life at that time, but I could see it when it came to substances. Over the course of the next years, I became more and more aware of the truth of my lack of control over all things except the choices I make. I learned if I made the right choice, things would most likely turn out for the best, if I made the wrong choices, I found out that there were prices to pay for both good and bad choices. This has been a great factor in making decisions now, I know I have to turn it all over to the Power, no matter what the choices are, I must just ask that in whatever it is, that I divorce my will and just trust, that it is what it is, and I just have to deal with whatever I’m presented.
Peace Out: M copyright 2014

This morning was beautiful; I woke up at 7:15 am, sat up on the side of my bed, and had a conversation with the Power Greater than myself. I thanked him for all the amazing things that I have been graced with, and asked, to be carried a message to help me deal with me. I got dressed and left for the park to walk and then go to the gym, as I walked I saw beautiful green grass, blue sky, magnificent mountains, a cool breeze, people walking by with their dogs, and most said good morning as they passed. I forgot to say that, another part of my conversation was asking that I can learn to love, that I can present love to those I encounter, and that I learn to be loved. Learning how to be loved is a significant part of my prayer, it has taken almost a quarter of a century for me to learn that there is truly love everywhere, if I can just let love in. There is a song entitled “looking for love” the verse afterwards states “in all the wrong places”, how much truth that is for me? My entire life I have looked for love outside of me, but today I know that love is all within me if I let it be there. Once I became open minded enough to find a faith, that I am given all the love I want if I just let myself see it, feel it, experience it, and except it. It has always been fear of losing love that kept me for having it, when I let all the beauty that surrounds me fill me and drive out the fear of loss, I begin to find true love, which is learning to give it, and have it without conditions of loss or gain, and just let it be as it is, and come as it come.
Peace Out: M copyright 2014