Never in my life did I understand what that was. Forever In thought that all love came with conditions; in friendships it meant you watch my back and I’ll watch yours. In relationships with the opposite sex it came tied to sexual pleasures, in family it was an assumed responsibility, with my parents it was they should because I was their son, in business it was what I get out of it. This was such a distortion for me; I never knew how to love without conditions. It didn’t become apparent to me that this was the reason, that my entire life, in abuse was the absence of the true definition of the concept of love. As time goes by and I live in sobriety, I have come to realize the true intent of the 12th step is to carry a message and practice the spiritual principles in all of my affairs the true intent is unconditional. When I try to carry a message, I have to deliver it with no expectations, assumptions, or fear and I can only do this with the faith that there is a greater power behind me, that does love me unconditionally. As I look back this has all been about the realization, that there is love all around me and if I love without expecting anything more than to have awareness, that there are no guarantees in life, except if I can truly love unconditionally, that love is always returning. I must have hope that only way to carry the message is to make an honest effort to come from the same 12th step message of unconditional love.
Peace Out: M

As time goes by, facing this disease on a daily basis, you’re looking in the face of those who feel hopeless. I can see their pain and confusion staring at me, looking for directions and help. I can only listen first, I must remember where I was in the beginning, if they are still in their cups, I proceed easily and must refer back to my reference guide, the Big Book. When they talk awhile, after hearing their position on things, I try to start focusing on their drinking and mine, here is where the work begins; I must share how I drank, what happened, and what it took to change me. I have worked with many wet drunks over the years, by choice; I need these people to be reminded of what I am. In their faces and stories I see me, in that moment of despair, bewilderment, confused, angry, frightened, and hopeless, searching and not even realizing I was searching. The more I am approached or I approach those who are in this place, the more I am given freedom, and awareness of and from my Alcoholism. There are so many that have passed through my life and each have given me so much more than I can repay. I have had many disappointments only because, I had expectations, and the lesson is always to just be here to serve those who can use my help. It is a heart break to see someone destroying themselves, and in spite of my efforts they can’t surrender. This program has explained that I am powerless over others, and there situations, all I can do is hope to plant a seed, it’s up to them to cultivate, and grow. I know that I am only sober by Grace, and I can hopefully stay by Grace. All this was given to me because of someone that had experienced hopelessness, and found hope, and they planted that hope in me. To be hopeless, is to be without faith, and to be without hope is to be lost, and to be lost is terrifying, there is no worst feeling, you’re walking with no direction. When I found this hope was in the willingness to walk in a Spiritual direction of principles, the next part was to take actions to learn and utilize these principles in all of my life. Today I don’t have many material possessions, but I have more love and wealth, than ever before, and this was given me to me through hope.
Peace Out: M