There are so many divided entities that float around in my mind, it’s always trying to appease one with another, constantly searching for the ways to silence the screaming loudness of self will. I look for those false images that, I think will just calm down the unrest of the chaotic revelation that wages war against the voice, of sound reasoning. These images manifest into real time, if I let them, always thinking that, it, that thing, she, them, will fix the hole in me.

The problem with all this is, that I let myself believe that those things are real, and they will fix me.  I tend to forget that the outside things never stilled the inside thoughts, thus leaving behind broken pieces of brain matter all over my emotions. Felling that there are too many parts to put back together, it’s too much, I can’t, poor me, self pity, self pity, self pity, thinking in my-self afflicted wounds, how did I get there, and I don’t deserve this, POOR ME!

I read somewhere, that we should not create false images, and worship at there feet, but isn’t that what I constantly am doing, when I make the Power vague? As the distraction has a firm grip on my moments perception, I lose sight of the truth. The truth doesn’t console the restless urge, it’s not physically pleasing at that time, I want pleasurable sacrifices, I want to be in distortion and drama, all the while knowing that when it’s over, no matter how long the pleasure lasts, it’s only momentary, and when I return to realism (real time) then, I’m empty, nothing to catch me as I fall into the place where I was before, trying to quite the “scream”.

For me the search for the real solution to all distractions is finding a constant in me. That place where I know all, is at should be, and that all will be taken care of in time, and the knowledge that  I must seek for the higher thought or consciousnesses. I must remain present always, because the lower thought of SELF, always failed me, I must live in faith and not the false. All things I express are from a place of my experience, I can’t assume that everyone understands or has been affected in the same fashion I have, but if you do God bless you because I know this, to my core.  I was told that the journey is long, the search is deep, the universe is vast, and that the only constant is the GOD of Light and power, and for me to be constant is to consecrate on the union of myself and the power! Peace Out. M

There’s really no secrets if there is something we think we are hiding, something or somebody always knows even if it is ourselves, our soul always knows.  What do I get if I am unwilling to reveal myself to me, to another, and God, well I am stuck with all my misguided thoughts. Before I reveal myself I must take a truthful, and honest assessment so when I I reveal things about what I did and how I harmed others and me.  Looking at these things are difficult to  face, however I was taught that this is what would eventually set me free and eventually change my reactions and approach to life. All these things that I needed to change started to slowly happen, but sorry to confess somethings are  still under construction. The biggest change is that I don’t have to be perfect, and that I have a universal power that allows me to feel and be as I am.

We always suffer from universal loneliness, If I don’t have a resource other than myself to fall back on then I am left, re-sourceless. I exist without a power greater than me, in that vacuum of loneliness I am left with nothing. Some may say this is nonsense, but for those of us , who have experienced this vacuum,  we know that there is no light in that dark room. When you’ve been down the rabbit hole, and the appearance of grace is presented, and it’s the only thing you have to climb out, you are no longer in doubt or question  the presence of a universal power (GOD).

I have always heard there are no atheists in a foxhole, I get it, I feel it, I’ve been presented with it. Skeptics may say I had too many substances! Well they’re correct I have, but say what you may and will, but I really don’t give a shit! Been there know it, lived though it , not once but many, many times, I would rather be in the warm, loving, light of a higher conscious, that I haven’t the ability or knowledge to even start understanding, than to be trapped in the unwillingness to think beyond myself. There is a quote in a book which I choose to exist by, and that quote is “contempt prior to investigation”, not my words, but those of  a more educated person then myself (which is not to far of a stretch, high school only, which is very visible by my writing  skills), but my experiences have given me more, then formal schooling would have. I owe my life to what I learned in the streets and halls of big cities and small towns, across this and other countries, on survival. I am still surviving only though the power that is divine and human all at once, and for that, I will hopefully live out my live guided by LIGHT that creates the song, sings intensely, loves beyond measure, and pulls me out of the rabbit holes I dig. I never have to be in the vacuum of loneliness again. Peace out. M