Is my checkbook ever balanced. This has always been something I have forever been trying to accomplish, but I never get though it with perfect numbers. I try but, the best I can do is try to fool myself, and just guesstimate. This  seems to work with my banking my not trying to spend more than I have, but is a question mark in my life, there are just things I shouldn’t guess at. I have spent a good deal of my life trying to balance the parts, that I mismanaged.  It is hard to reconcile the things you bounce because of neglect, or irresponsibility , and the penalty is sever, it’s a huge fine which I pay for on a daily basis.

I ask people that question, and some say of course! They misunderstand what I am really asking, most of  those I ask that question too, are people who are struggling in recover,y but can’t see the UN-manageability of the choices they have made. Recognizing my part in the problems I have at any given moment, depends on just how honest I am with me. I have to see past the things I justify, that they were not mistakes in my mind, but I contributed too, and miscalculated. It seems to be in our nature as humans to always blame things on outside circumstances, it’s like Adam in the Garden it was Eve that tempted him to eat the apple, when he was confronted by God, he instinctively put the blame somewhere, other then himself. This is a great image of our egos searching elsewhere other then ourselves to deceive the truth in balancing our mistakes. I have had to search long and deep at my behavior that keeps my checkbook out of whack, and the things that will keep my life in check. I was taught late in life that living my life being open, honest, and willing to do the actions that keep my checkbook balanced, is a start to balancing myself with truth. Peace out. M

On this day we honor our fathers. As I sort through the memories of him, I have thoughts of both happiness, and sadness.  My dad was quite a character, and a charming fellow, he just attracted people. Most all that he met, loved him and I never came across anyone who didn’t. I spent a lot of time with him after the age of ten, and I got to see all sides, he didn’t hide to much from me. I have many stories, but I understand things today, differently.

Most importantly is the fact that I know today that many of us in recovery have made peace with our parents, some of us haven’t. I realize today that my relationship with the real parent, the power “Greater then Me” is the most important relationship that I need to find humility too honer. The universal power of light, has given me the gift of life, honest love, children I adore a beautiful grandchild, friends that teach me and love me, music, art, and an awareness of how awesome and intense the LIGHT has become for me. The knowledge that others can have their religions, which I respect, but for me, I live with the power of undeniable, spiritual principles, that carry me to a place that substances never did. I love his/her grace, compassion, courage, and recovery. Thank You Father/Mother of Light and Universe. Peace Out. M