Over the years I have known many who were here before me, and many who have come after me and stayed. There are several I have known, who didn’t stay and died. It’s a difficult and emotional process for me because the emotions run from deep sadness to complete anger, but at the end of the day all you can really say is, but by the grace of God go I. I have lost many friends to this insidious disease, they could not find that power to accept or surrender. I do know that it is only through the things I was able to hear and acknowledge that saved me, from that fate of being one of those millions who couldn’t find their way. We don’t have to be smart, as a matter of fact being too smart kills some of us, it is that being willing that distinguishes us from the smart one’s. I don’t ask the question why, I just keep asking what do I need to do to find the solution, to the problem of me. Thank you to my first sponsor who said to me to stop looking at the problem, and learn the solution, and he handed me the Big Book, a pencil and paper, and said seek. I must always remember to not forget those who wouldn’t, and be one who remembers those who wouldn’t.
Peace Out : M copyright 2014

I was talking with a person who is struggling with surrending their addictions recently, and as we shared, I so saw myself in the words they were saying to me. I could see the level of denial, and the illusion we have and how we are avoiding the truth about where we are, when we are trying to find a way to minipulate and aviod seeking help. Even though we can clearly see that the substance (alcohol) is destroying us, physically, mentally, and spiritually. In the Dotors opinion the connection of the three, are clearly defined. When I work or share with an active participant, someone who has abused themselves to the point I had, I truly see how deep my dishonesty was. I lived by every lie possible to not face the enivatable truth, that I was at the gates of the death of, the last piece of my soul, I was owned by my addictions.
The reason I continue to seek out those that need help, the desperate, is because I have to remember, that an alcoholic like myself can easily find his way back to the illusion that my denial so vividly can create, to take me back to the circus of my contempt, and the reluctance to truly investigate, the possibility of the truth, that can shed light on the road of sober destiny. I see myself in those, who can’t see themselves, that was me. Thanks for making a 12 step call on me.
Peace Out: M copyright 2014