When I was drinking and using I was always looking for a new experience, and I did have many, but the end result was always the same. I some how never had enough and was left always lacking. I never had enough to get me where I wanted to go, because there was no ceiling to my indulgence. This was a repetitive activity most of my life. The part in the Big Book where it states “life will take on new meaning” continuously resonates in my mind. There has not been a dull spot or boring moment during my sobriety. I have been gifted with an amazing life throughout my time here. The experiences have not always been pleasant, but always an adventure. It’s hard to tell the new person how life changes by being sober, or how much gratitude you can find even in challenging moments. When we stop fighting and just give in to taking action towards the solution amazing things happen. This entire experience is based on how my perception of my life has changed, by understanding that the new experience is always right in front of me always.
Peace Out: M 2015

When I did my first inventory I thought I was thorough in listing my resentments, fear, and sex categories. I had not learned the principles of honesty, integrity, and courage. As I look back I can see the depths of my disease and how persistent it is. It was easy to see all the liabilities, but admitting them was a different story. But there are two realities, the program I think I work, and the program I have. Just when I think I am coasting along, pride jumps in, followed by ego and backed up with it’s twin low self-esteem. Then my way out is to become judgmental, and blame it on you. This is followed by contempt, with humility nowhere in sight. After this pouring out of character defects, I have to utilize the assets provided me by the real program, the 12 steps. When I have run on self will long enough, and my ass is thoroughly beaten, and I am backed up in that corner, finally the humility comes from self humiliation. I am thankful that the lessons are learned through surrender.
Peace Out : M 2015