It’s amazing how much fear is generated in words, words can demoralize, destroy, intimidate, incapacitate, but yet they are just language. Supposedly used for communication of ideas, emotions, and perspective. I have found that I must be careful what and how I say things not to damage but to improve my ability to reach a larger community and expand my experience with myself and others. For years I really didn’t care how I affected you because in my selfishness if you understood fine if you didn’t so be it. I see though the response of yourselves it challenges me to try to communicate my thoughts in a manor that does not offend and inflict bad emotions, because my intent is to try to carry a message to someone who my benefit from my experiences, while trying not to let my ego come from a place that I think I know the answers but from a place that answers that were given to me due to the facts that that I needed to understand to save my life.
There are more answers than I have questions because I am shallow in nature, but even with this information I try to find more questions. Insanity is a part of this in my attempts to be sane I seem to find more insanity, but insanity is a very need tool in many instances. Without that nature of insanity where would humanity be, well some say better some say worse, but without what deems to be insane at one point in time or another we would not have technology, or art, or theology, the very things we take for granted today were in sane thoughts in the past.
I hope that you grasp what I am trying to convey, it’s not a message for all but only those who can hear the passion of me wanting to help someone somehow just as someone did for me. May you never have to sleep without a hand to hold, and a fear in your heart because even in the darkest of moments there is all ways light. We must open our minds to the light that is there to guides in the moments of despair. Peace M

I have been in a state of anger in the past week not because I let anyone make me that way, but because of my being uncountable with my health. When we are young and invincible we don’t consider the long road we have to walk in life, we throw away pieces of ourselves like there are always spare parts. As we go along we start to notice little things at first and then it just seems to grow bigger and more. Then each time illness pops up it begins to to take our every waking moment and then our prospective on how things are good or bad depends on just how much room is left in our mind to cope, and bring about the fact that I did most of this because of the choices I made, and then it’s a bitch to bring myself to the realization of how to stay serene in those moments.
I have had to learn the value of everything that surrounds me that makes my life beautiful and good. This is hard to find at moments, but in those moments of fear I must find someone who needs help, comfort, and some form of love, outside of those in my circle of family and friends. That’s the essence of of the power that we are created from. In my vision of my life we are created for that very purpose, that’s why music and art is conceived so we can dance and admire, just the purest form of human joy and if there is someone who isn’t enjoying the experience, how can I motivate and help to find that joy. When I am isolated within my own self I won’t make that effort, and I have come to see that this is a very vital part of to centering myself and ripping out the anger and discomfort by taking me out of the equation and replacing it with you. Self centered in nature I have had to fight for that experience and the fight is with me. I pray that I can surrender in this battle and that I will always reach past my own perception. M