Finding the Words I Don’t Have

Writing and presenting thoughts has been a challenge, I really am not that educated in the skill of words and making sense. It does amaze me that for the past few months, the inspirations, seem to appear, no matter what the day has been, there is always an idea. It should not surprise me though, because it is what I ask for every morning, to be presented a message, of depth and weight, and to have the ability to hear that message. Sometimes that message is very subtle and faint, so I must always listen with intent, and purpose, to silence the chatter, that wants to override anything incoming. My ex-wife always accused me of not listening to her, and I know now that see she was right, but what the real truth was, that I was never listening to anyone, accept the monkeys of my ego. For many years I thought I had multiple personalities, different sides which could present themselves, whenever they were needed, so you can imagine how shocked I was when the realization was presented, that this was not a case of personality confusion, but a hearing problem! Those chattering voices were just my ego yelling, so nothing from the outside could get in, which would dispel anybody else’s, information so it (the ego), would have its own way. Trying to reduce the ego is a challenge because it is the only mechanism that tells itself that, I am not wrong, even though everything is completely indicating different. My ego is so good, that it can develop a secret organization, to spy on itself, and send out disinformation that is used for massive inflation, while diminishing the esteem and telling it that you are worthless, Thus not allowing the truth to be heard or processed.
When I was told to “Sit Down Shut Up and Listen”, “Take The Cotton Out of My Ears and Put it in My Mouth”, I was out raged, but I was at a moment, thank God, were I could not protest, all had stopped even the chattering. All I was left with was the silence of darkness and despair, the only choices I had, were to live, and listen, or die. I am eternally grateful to the man that said those two phrases to me; I pray daily that I never stop listening to the truth that I am not in charge of SHIT!
Peace Out: M

Living in Freedom

Being born after World War 2, the concept of living in a democracy and being free was an honor and privilege. This was just the way you were taught, the ideology you lived with, and was surrounded by. Even though I lived during all the movements and protests, I still came out of all that, with the same ideal that we were able to voice your opinions and be free, so I can do anything, because I am a free man. That reality was a hard place for me to be able to understand that I was not free, because my free will, put me in bondage too me. I was not living in freedom any more, I was in the prison of addiction, and shackled to the wall. It’s been a long road trying to find the real freedom of the truth for me, there is no freedom for me, without the acceptance of a power greater than me. With this reverse of thought, I can now live in real freedom from bondage, as long I follow a few simple directions, trust God, clean, house, prayer, and meditation. Walking in the sunlight, never alone, with a clean heart, and trusting that all is as it is, and just accepting the real freedom of my life as it is, has led to the freedom of faith, in something other than me.
Peace Out: M

Journey Through Insanity