Once the drink and the drugs were removed, I was left living with someone I did not know. Since I was 11 years old everything was based on dealing with life through the eyes of some type of addiction. The result of living every thought and emotion in these circumstances is that when the substances are removed, our coping mechanisms are also gone, everything that I knew and used before have been placed on a new premise. The hardest part of sobriety is not stopping the drink, but learning how to stop the insane emotions that needed the substances to cope. I was taught that I had to replace those substances, with a Power that was greater than anything I had used before. When I started using Spiritual Principles, not to replace emotions but to balance them on a higher plane, my mind started building new paths, to reach new avenues. I had learned to manage emotions that were before unmanageable, by the simple knowledge that I must keep the Power inside me, and not look for outside solutions, but to accept the facts that a substance cannot, and will not change any given situation. This is a constant process that I must continue, from moment to moment, because my emotions are at play continuously. The fear of things not in my control, and make the emotions race to manageability, are love, given or not given, loss, death, mine or others, and FEAR for FEAR sake, the most terrifying one of all, is not knowing what you’re afraid of, that leaves the door wide open for terror. Learning to replace fear with faith that something has my back, is the most comforting thing of all, which is the key to emotional sobriety, I must accept things that I can’t change. I must face the things I can change, which is the ability to manage my emotions by just applying the principles of being honest enough, open enough, and willing enough, to reach a place of dealing with my emotions without fearing or running away and hiding. That place is where I must seek a higher train of thought that accepts the gift of emotion, than to give in to the lower thought that I can’t cope. Finding the Power of Greatness is a constant vigilance, trusting that there is a higher entity than my emotions, and applying the energy of the positive and letting go of the negative energy. This is the high I sought all my life, I could have saved a lot of wasted time and energy, by discovering that my emotions can be my friend, as long as I let God in the mix.
Peace Out: M

Dealing with the feelings I have, is always an enormous challenge for me. I grow attachments for, and to people, places, and things, and then invest time and effort, and when my feelings aren’t fulfilled or returned, I am either angered or crushed. I will drive myself crazy, with both; I start to resent them for not seeing, what I think they should see or feel what I do, and this, is something I fight with every day. When I lose my focus that I must continuously ask for direction and guidance, with all my affairs, I stand in jeopardy, of forgetting my primary purpose, and the code of love and tolerance. All these feelings I have are a reflection of my selfishness, and my intentions, the two things I must always be on the lookout for, I must always not assume, or expect that I should receive anything back, I GOT NOTHING COMING! When I forget that, I walk around in self-pity and broody emotions, shutting out the true knowledge of the gifts I have, and the LIGHT. I have stated before, that alcoholics suffer from that cosmic loneliness that nothing can fulfill, and if we can’t connect with a spiritual awareness, we are forever lost in the outside search for an inward solution. I must not forget the love I have, and the hundreds of people who have given me more than I can ever give in return, those are the feelings I must learn to remember to feel. The universe is large, my mind is shallow, and unconditional love is perplexing, God Grant Me Serenity.
Peace Out: M