I have lived a life that has been in a constant changing dynamic and environment, which is sometimes unsettling and sometimes unbelievably beautiful. Since I was a child my dad had us moving from place to place, and there was always new things, and becoming accustomed to different attitudes. This made me acutely aware of how to adapt to things as quickly as possible, and how to take care of myself, in all types of situations, involving people, places and things. These life skills were beneficial, but also detrimental, by learning these skills, I was convinced that I could manage everything that came my way. When it came to the place where all my life skills stopped working, I was lost in that place where I could not see an out. This was a void I could not comprehend, I remember clearly laying on the floor of my garage reaching and not finding anything that would bring change at that moment. There were tears in my eyes, my chest was bursting, every muscle in my body ached, and I felt so desperately alone, even though my wife and kids were upstairs sleeping, this is described in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous as “incomprehensible and pitiful demoralization”. I was burnt from one end to the other in my soul, and I cried out for help in my heart, not realizing that my silent screams were heard by the Spirit of Spirits and sent me an Angel, in the form of my then wife. She came to me the next day and said, that she had made arrangements for me to go to a detox center, and there was a cab going to pick me up, and I had to go or she would leave and take my children with her, I felt I had no choice in the matter, why, because I had run out of choices.
This was the biggest change ever, I had been on a mission of destruction for most of my life, I didn’t realize how big the change was to become. With the introduction of some very simple principals and steps my new life began, I was sternly encouraged to start understanding that I had to concede to the core of my soul that I was powerless over substances that I had thrived on since I was a child. I had to become open minded enough, that there was power which would create the change of changes, I needed to examine everything from my past, to the present, and see what it was in me that kept me in such a rage against myself and others, and accept what needed to change, how I could change, and what I could do to affect change, I never thought that this would now keep me in a constant path of change, but yet here I stand today once more on the doorstep of change. Every day I am surrounded by this remarkable, beautiful, challenging world that is forever evolving, I feel blessed that my life has never been boring and has allowed me to change, and this I owe to those who showed me the path that creates these changes in me, the one I call “GOD”.
Peace Out: M

When you’re trying to live on a more Spiritual basis you are always challenged by emotions, and judgment. I have been sober for many years, but no matter how hard I work towards sobriety, the task is never ending. There are things in private life, public life, and business life, which cause anger, jealously, insecurity, resentment, and the ultimate true end FEAR. This for me is the most defining reason, to continually pray and meditate in all circumstances, good, bad, or indifferent. When I fail to do this it leaves me venerable to all kinds of pitfalls. When things are at there best, is when I stand in the most peril. My head can play tricks on me and can keep me in denial or sloth of doing the things necessary to stay in the right frame of mind, even through the years of practice and effort; I can slip into old habits that lead to a state of belligerence, or “Dry Drunk”. A person even though he isn’t drinking, in this state, is at risk to the dangers which come from selfishness, anger, and fear. I have experienced this in myself and others, when we drop the connection we suffer, that is the only way for us to stay emotionally sane and sober. I am sure that there are some who would disagree but, from my experience with myself I must stay connected on a daily basis. To me The idea of praying was a useless endeavor, it never seemed they were answered, my prayers were always foxhole prayers, “God if you get me out of this jam”, I promise to never do this again, however as soon as I came to, the rationalization began, “I knew that I could get out of this one, that whole prayer crap is nothing”. It wasn’t until I surrendered to the willingness that it might work; things started manifesting in an entirely different way. The first prayer I was instructed to say was, God or whatever power I could believe in, please relieve me of the obsession to drink and use, and the obsession started to lift within a short time. I had been abusing for 30 years on a daily basis, and for the compulsion to stop, was the first sign that maybe it would work for me. When an Alcoholic like myself can see just that much, the world starts to change, and for me the bigger changes occurred, by the cultivation of my connection to Power Source. Today I ask for God to let me hear a message of depth and weight, teach me how to love and be loved, remove obstacles that in my way of being of service to others, and PLEASE keep me sober one more day, to me these are miracles.
Peace Out: M