It is always so easy to be ungrateful and not see what we actually do have. Years of chasing things that I thought I needed, led me to a life of fear, stress, and misery, I didn’t even know I was in misery. I was always just pretending that I was happy, I never really had it, it has taken years, and I do mean years to find. Someone said to me “you seem like your sad all the time” the truth is that I suffer from something that I read, and accepted, that I suffer from “cosmic loveliness”. I always suffer from this and it does cause me sadness, but that is an expression, that most of us Alcoholics and Addicts suffer from. I know in my deepest of deepest that there is no one that can bring me happiness, or love me enough, because of that. Here is where the belief in a Power Greater than me has changed a great deal in me. It has taught me, that first I had to stop having expectations, second stop making judgment’s, third don’t assume things, fourth stop playing God, and fifth appreciate what I have been given. There has been so many realizations of the facts that this has all been a gift, and I am not talking, since I have been sober. I have come to realize that everything, good and bad, has been amazing. There would be no today, without yesterday, yesterdays have given me the experience of today. Yes I do suffer of that cosmic loneliness, but today if I work hard enough, I see all the love that is around me, and it is there, if I just accept, not expect things, and just let it in. This I have learned by having those moments that there is sadness, because I see I must change the perception, this is always the trick. Anything can be changed if I just know that it is up to me, I must make this change with the faith that there is a Spiritual Power guiding me. This has been proven to me, in so many ways and fashion. If I just be willing to let love fly away, it always flies back, I just have to recognize the bird that lands on my shoulder. The gift is always in the recognition, that it really all is a gift, thank you God for loving me enough, to allowing me to open this gift.
Peace Out: M

What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger this is a truth for those of us who sit in the rooms and watch people die from the disease, or continue on in the misery of Alcoholism and Addiction. Over the past quarter century I have seen this over and over again, people come in and out, and some come and go out and die. I have had to sit and watch this progression and accept it happening. I have worked closely with some who were personal friends long before, I myself got sober, and some who became friends, I have had to see them die, its heart breaking. My Sorrow for them is painful, and deep each time it happens, but I don’t let it change my thoughts about continuing to reach out, for me I must be willing to experience this in the hope that some will find the gift and carry the message to others, that there is hope if they can just surrender and commit to go to any length to find it. I have heard some of my fellow members give up on working with others because they are frustrated with a drunk because they don’t want it. What I was challenged with by those who went before me that I needed to have a black suit ready, because I would be going to funerals in m future, and they told me the truth, and some of you know I do have black suits. These men and women also told me to say “but by the grace of God go I”, and I do. I know that I am truly sober and living because, I have been graced by the Power Greater than me, to still be alive to carry the caskets and a message, that it doesn’t have to be that way, if you don’t want, and that there is a solution, for an aging musician like me, and it can be that way for you. As I said what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger in the faith of the 12 steps, the 12 traditions, the 12 concepts of service, the 12 principles, and the rooms that have given me the strength to continue, with hope, faith, and the courage to stay.
Peace Out: M