When I wake up and open my eyes, my first thoughts are what time is it, and the next is, wow one more day. I don’t always go to prayer immediately, because I have to override the next thousand thoughts. Somewhere in the middle of those thoughts, the brakes screech, and the thought becomes “God please center me in your light”, and in that moment the stillness starts to filter out all the noise, and chatter in my head, I have asked or said to God, why me. I really don’t know why I have survived this long, overdose, heart attack, stroke, car accidents, organ transplants and the list goes on. Today I can see where the Power lifted me over those “rough patches”, but I’m still left with the “why me” question. One of the hardest things to do in sobriety is learning to stay still, and wait for God to show me, his will for me. Even when things are presented and they seem correct, there are always those moments of fear and doubt. When I do ask God “why me”, God reply’s “, why not you” it’s a gift.
Peace Out. M

I read once that the heart is the commander; it is the key to every function in our body and mind, without it, life as we know it ceases. I have also heard it said, “I had my heart broken”, but the heart does not break, we tend to think that when we suffer devastating losses our emotions become so painful we that we cannot endure, or don’t want to endure. It’s not the heart that breaks, it’s the mind that breaks, my outlook on life is challenged, and it wants to believe that something is breaking, but it is only my perception, because of the fact that I invested parts of myself, and when those parts are rejected I grieve the loss. Our natural instinct is to survive; it’s only when we give up, that the mind can override that instinct. So when I say that loving hurts to much, what I am actually saying is that you do not love me the way I think you should and this blocks any future possibilities of finding the true meaning of love itself, that true love is just as instinctive as survival. Our humanness needs to be able to connect with each other, creating the bonding necessary to feel the emotion of love, but it is only when we learn to love, that the thought in order for love to survive and transcend time, I must learn the ideology and principle in loving without conditions, this is a lifelong process and I pray every day, that I learn that principle.
Peace Out: M copyright 2014