Dealing with UN-manageability of our life is a very hard thing to see, from the time we’re children we are being taught to deal with things. Having to really see just how unmanageable my life was, and is an enormous task no matter of the fact that it was staring me in the face. You know I had worked all of my life I managed to survive, but I didn’t realize manipulation was not managing, putting my marriage and my children lives and future in jeopardy, was not manageability, I didn’t see that going from job to job was not managing, risking my life and health was not managing, spending money on useless things was not managing, dreaming or assuming things were going to happen was not managing, these were very vivid signs but I failed to recognize them.

It took and takes doing a very through, moral, and FEARLESS look  at myself everyday to see even the not manageable things going on in the present. Day after day I have to take hard looks at my motives, thoughts and actions to see what I can, and can’t manage today. Some may say that maybe I should just relax, but the truth is that the only real peace I have is to look deep in me to clear away things so that I can be prepared to help others which is the only way I can find real spirituality. The gift is that, this is my journey and I am truly grateful that my creator has given me a true task of managing to see his/her will for me and the knowledge,  to see that managing today is centered in exhausting everything I have left in trying to find manageability of the things I make difficult. No one does this to me or for me, the responsibility is mine. That is truly what manageable means to me today. Peace M

Some days inspiration to continue is hard to find, there are those days that I don’t have the ability to create new thoughts simply because that old ones block them out. It is easy to get wrapped in our shit and can’t seem to see the path to inspiration because I can’t filter out myself. This always where the crux of the work needs to be done, I have to shut down these thoughts that keep me bound to me. I have revert back to the basics of all the teachings that were taught me in the beginning by those who had gone before.

In the beginning I was taught that I was not God, that I had to surrender, realize that I was powerless over people places and things, and if I tried to control those things, I would lose my perspective and my life would be unmanageable.  I had to turn my will over to something greater than myself and my control, and that I had to make a decision that I had to be willing to let go of my will and let the greater will take over. Now these things are really simple in presentation but difficult in application, and the more willing I become the easier the process becomes , but it is all ways a challenge even till this day. This is the human challenge, if you choose to have faith in a God of your understanding, and even with that faith, work must be done on my part. I need daily inspiration, and that inspiration depends on how affective I trust, seek, work, apply, and willing to let go, I must ask that I hear the message of truth and light, and not be swayed and seduced into those dark moments that are just an allusion of my warped thinking. my discomfort is my unease with me and only I can change me, if I work towards a higher thought, there is a beacon in my soul, I can choose to walk away from it or walk towards it. The choice of free will, do I align it with myself or the higher design of myself in which I was created in the image of or do I not? For this decision I need INSPIRATION.