When I wake each morning I am never sure how that day will go, but I have grown to know that I do have choices to make. Their not always the choices I would like to make , but sometimes the presentation is subtle, and sometimes stark. but I do know that I need direction to put my perception in the proper perspective, to make the best choice possible. I wish I could say that each day was wonderful, but I do know that each day is as it comes.

Today I started reading a new book which is a daily reader, that puts my mind in a more orderly place, as I started to read everything I read was very profound, but from a point of view that I have issues with. However over my life in recovery I have learned to be more open to hear the message that’s being presented, without judgement, and hold off on opinion before I hear what is being said. This has always been a problem in the past, “contempt prior to investigation”, which I totally understood when I first heard it, as a matter of fact, it was one of the first things I related to in recovery, on my first day. This is when the lesson’s started, 24 some odd years ago.

Since then I have become more tolerant, and pliable, to hear messages from many sources. In my opinion the journey only starts with one step, and when I took the step to surrender to the power that are the teaching’s, that are rooted in spiritual principles no matter what the source’s are, and if I am truly am trusting and open, I will hear the music of the universe speaking. I know that many will disagree, and believe that it is only one way, but I can’t help believe that this, is rooted in vanity, and self-righteous pride. For me to say that anyone’s belief is wrong  as long as they are rooted in moral and universally sound principles, would in my opinion put me on the wrong side of God’s will. I have learned that tolerance and love is what I need more of, and those are the two things I should make my daily choices.

I think these two choices are hard for us as humans to understand, and accept, because of our need to make our point of view valid. This goes against our will, and need to be right, and our promptness to judge and tell the other person they are wrong because they don’t believe the way I want them to. This is pure ego and pride, also fear that if I am wrong, then there is something missing in me. I am not trying to be right, I am trying to do right, and I have grown to know, that there are many more evolved ideologies, and principles, then I can even begin to understand, but I have come to know for me, that the universal presence of a power greater than me does do things for me that I can’t explain, in my limited consciousness and shallow mind, and that things have and will be revealed to me If I just seek, trust, clean my side of the street, and try to be of maximum service to the best of my ability. This is what I have been taught, and try to live everyday that God let’s me open my eye’s and kick starts my days. Peace out. M

I have spent a lifetime searching for intoxication, and a lifetime trying to recover from it too. There are so many substances that create that effect and our allure to the effect, it can and does sometimes become the very reason to exist. It is also the same effect in trying to relate to another person specially when it comes to the opposite ,sex or the same sex, which ever is your choice. The persons you choose or attracted to, bring about that feeling of intoxication. You first feel a bit light headed an unsteady, then you want more of the feeling, then the more you are exposed to that euphoria you start to think maybe, I will hold back a little, but almost immediately your thoughts over ride the sane thought, and reach for the more insane thought of continuing on regardless of the consequences involved and the repercussions of your actions.

How well I know these thoughts, I have experienced them, I have been drawn in by both substances and for the most part each has led me to the same place. Having been drawn in to the intoxication of beauty, and wanting to be with a person because I like the feeling, has led me to the same place that drugs and alcohol has, and the reason is that my behavior was unhealthy. I wanted this for selfish motives and not for the spiritual aspect of love, but for the need to , own and control, mean while living in the denial of what real love is. Recovery has taught the real love should be without conditions. I shouldn’t have expectations of what the other person shares, it has to be that the acceptance of what you are willing give, is enough if you are giving me the respect to love me back, and if you choose to no longer have those feelings, I must be willing to let go.

This lesson is still being taught to me on a daily basis, if I let myself go past the thought, that maybe I should stop because I want more, it takes me back to that place where I have no defense, my choices are gone, I have been lured once more to the attraction of the intoxication, that removes my inhibitions and leads me down a path of destruction. The first illusion of the beauty draws me in, but when I am drawn in by the affect, the truth that at some point it might stop working was never a thought, when I picked up the substance, no matter which one it was it always became destructive, because of me, not it. Thank God for helping me find the path I just pray that I can continue walking towards the light in life and love. Peace out M