How do I really know that I am willing to do whatever it takes to set aside all those things that stand between me, and the rest of the world! After I took a look at all those things that created damage and pain, I had to understand what defects of my character were involved in creating that destruction. Even though I had become willing to make changes, I had to ask the power of my better self, to have the courage to identify, and confront those I had harmed. Truly, I needed to do all of this, without expecting anything in return, this is really the moment I felt the true experience of unconditional love, and humility. From that moment I experienced a change in me. Freedom of me and the binding of self-abuse, it was one of the most amazing feelings of my existence. However this is an ongoing endeavor, I must continue on day to day, being forever diligent in this way. I can be fooled that I can take my control and will back. If I become complacent or drop my guard, I stand in great danger of losing this freedom that I cherish. Knowledge of this truly is an awareness of my higher conscious, this was described to me as a Higher Power. It’s the way I have chosen the path, which was chosen for me, but by the Grace of God I go. None of this is an easy thing to achieve, there are many things that we either overcome, or make difficult because of the fear, or pleasure these defects give us. Some of these things are instinctual, primal needs, others are habitual, and both are hard to let go, but for me I have to continue to make every effort to rectify. I am as guilty as one can be, trying letting go but unwilling to release, those things that prevent me from earning a better seat on the “Train to Jordan”, but I am damn sure trying to upgrade my ticket.
PEACE OUT. M

I have read that there are four great lights, and they are, Grace, Comprehension, Perception, and Prudence. The first GRACE,is defined as, goodwill; favor;disposition to show mercy. The second, PERCEPTION, to obtain knowledge of through the senses; see, hear, or feel. The third, COMPREHENSION, Act of comprehending, containing, or comprising. 2. power or act of grasping with the intellect; understanding. The fourth PRUDENCE, shrewd in adapting means to ends; discreet; sensible; 2. Provident.

As I travel this road of search, trying to find how I can give back, I have to realize that I have been first,Graced, and that was a very large component, to my recovery. Without understanding this fact, that it is by grace that I am still alive, after all of the destruction, of mind, body, and spirit, would make me a bigger idiot then what I was before. The second light, perception, I would never have grasped any knowledge that had been presented to me. I would have done, what I always had in the past, was to have judgement, and contempt. The third light, Comprehension, I certainly had to begin, to seek and retain, the intellect and wisdom of the spiritual principles, that were being presented to me, and capture, or contain it within myself. The forth light, Prudence, well, I certainly was shrewd, in adapting a means to an end, BUT discreet, maybe at times, but not always. Sensible, still working on sensibility, that takes prudence. Provident, there’s an interesting definition, means foresight; care; esp; divine foresight, care or guidance;   A manifestation of God’s care over his creatures; economy. I do feel I have been watched over, you come to have a definite belief, when you survive ordeals that are beyond your power, and capability to survive, without something with more power than I. For me there are no random acts, I am sure this could be argued, but I don’t need to question this, I am proof, for me still being on the planet is proof, enough too me.

So I am truly grateful, for all the four lights that have manifested in my life. Without these illuminations, I would be eating, drinking, drugging,  myself into a self imposed ignorance. With self pity, thinking that everyone else was the problem, never looking at my part in anything, never being responsible, and just wallowing in my own prison of poison. Thank you Father/Mother of the Universe for allowing the Four imperishable Spirit’s of Lights, that have shined on me and my being. These indispensable spirits, are what my recovery, from a seemingly, hopeless, state of mind, became and are the ingredients that bring the sunlight of the gift, to my soul.

PEACE OUT, M