MESSAGE FROM A FRIEND
I heard recently a quote from a friend; she said that “sometimes the hurt and the healer collide”. I have knowledge from my own experience, just how true that is. People finding themselves in serious pain, will shun the truth, of what the solution is to heal their pain. We lack the faith to accept what the Healer tells us, I so desperately fear that I will lose control, or hear something I don’t want to hear. So instead of just facing up to what I need to do to solve things, I would rather run. I have so many male friends, who are deathly afraid of having checkups, because they want to live in the denial that they have a problem, and that they can macho through, and then create a bigger problem than before. We are not alone; women too have the same issues, but their fears, emotions, and denials are much different than men. The point here is, that many of us have that common response when it comes to hearing the healing facts, no matter which the healer is, the fear of the hurt, collides with the wisdom of the healing solution.
My personal experience with this concept, led me down the path to serious consequences, which I could have prevented, by simple truth. It all boils down to really not searching for truth with in me. Here I sit, past the point of no return, and I hear my friends quote loud and clear. The entire reason I write, is in the hope that someone can hear my story, and hopefully rectify their present, and not have to hurt themselves, in their future. My life is dedicated to this, because I didn’t get as far down this road by chance, it was all by grace and a message. That was, that I didn’t have to live the way I was living if I didn’t want too anymore, which was in the pain of my own existence, I truly have a beautiful life because of that message.
Peace Out: M

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in the past years is to stay out of my own way. It took me awhile to just see how I was complicating things around me, by trying to control  the outcome, without applying the right solutions. Another is by going forward, without the proper foundation, to support what I was trying build or manage. I also had no trust in anything, thus leaving me with nothing to fall back on, relying on manipulation, and imagination, without working for the magic that was supposed to happen, with not much foresight, in what the consequences could possibly be. Now to a normal person, this may seem quite insane, but to an alcoholic, these things seem perfectly OK. Most of us live with pretty misguided thoughts, that are blossomed from weeds. Everything that should be illogical to the sane mind is reversed and distorted, by an acute illness that lives and thrives in drama, resentment, low esteem, thoughts of grandeur, illusion, and fear. There are more examples that I could go on with , but it’s no wonder, that the families who have no understanding, are bewildered by this individual.

The act of complete surrender is so foreign to the sufferer, after running on self will so long, that we drive the car into the wall. I had to run out of options, before I was beaten to surrender. Very few who are like me, have the ability to give up, until this happens. I owe everything to that beating, it hurt so bad that I could no longer go on living with the information I had up to that point. I clearly remember that moment, when those words came out of my mouth ” I need help”. Then there was real magic that occurred, my ears begin to listen, my thoughts begin to change from more, to no more, I began to reach for something I could not see, feel, or believe until that moment. We say it’s a “Spiritual Awakening”, but you don’t really identify it as that, at that moment, but it truly is an awareness that comes, but it takes a lifetime to know this. I can’t tell you why this happened to me, I question it all the time, and truth is I don’t have to know, I just am thoroughly grateful that it did. This is the definition of a miracle to me, because I lived it, but there are so many more. I used to have great contempt for that word, but when you become the expression of that miracle, there is music attached to it.  I owe my life to the angles that brought me the tools, the words, the care, the love and the selfless service, to make this miracle happen, I am forever humbled by the efforts that were extended to me, and only hope I can extend it to someone who needs and wants it.

Peace Out. M