When you have come to that fork in the road where you can’t go forward and you can’t go back, that’s when the lights go out, you have lost that power of choice. You end up in a place that is dark and scary, this is when in order to survive, you MUST surrender or die, and only when you surrender, will the faint flicker of light ever so tiny starts to draw you back from hopeless. You know that you must follow the light or live in darkness for the rest of your existence, when you regain the light you receive a reprieve, this is called trust, which so many of us have lost along the way. As the light becomes brighter this becomes faith. You see the path you need to follow but you will sometimes step back, that’s when you have to reach deeper and deeper. You learn to gain the principle of humility. Humility is the hardest of all principles to find, because as soon as we think we are humble we reach around and pat ourselves on the back, and right at that moment we have lost it. Learning to just act correctly and without motives is almost impossible but we must try or be lost in self. To be lost in self is the loneliest place to be, because we are basically on a tight rope without a net, just floundering in the wind alone with nothing to catch us or save us from ourselves. Now I know from experience that some of us can muster up false bravado and say I don’t need anything or anyone but me, but ask yourself if that is true, why am I always searching for someone or thing to not be alone. Man is a social creature and we must remember that we need interaction just to stay sane, but because of the fear of rejection and pain I will isolate and just get more and more insane, in my own confused mind. So if you reach that crossroad and you have reached the bottom of the rabbit hole remember that the only thing that keeps you there is YOU.
SURRENDER OR DIE.
Peace Out: M

When I first entered the rooms of recovery, one or the questions I was asked was, are you willing to go any length? Answering as quickly as possible l said yes, at that moment I was operating on fear and low self-esteem, I didn’t want to seem stupid by answering incorrectly. This was old behavior, I had no idea what that the implications of this statement meant, but in the days, months, and years, I have come to the understanding of the meaning of that decision. In the first days, it was about just not drinking and using, and the feelings that resulted from physical and mental withdrawal, and as time progressed the physical and the mental obsessions were overcome but then I was left with emotions that I had never dealt with, and experienced. The next few years I started to live a life based on the program of recovery, and things what I had missed and never felt before. This was pretty amazing and new, it went on this way for a while with a few setbacks, but no major situations. Then 13 years in and a lot of work that I had been challenged to put into action, circumstances in my personal life fell apart. My wife and I separated, and eventually divorced, health issues started becoming real, my emotions were driven to the surface, and in spite of all I had changed and experienced, I fell into despair, I lost hope. Now faced with divorce, childless, illness, jobless, alone, and in debit, l was once more down the rabbit hole, uncertain and sucker punched by life, at that moment I was sober but lost and depressed. I sat for three weeks with a bottle and a gun, trying to decide which one to choose, I wanted out, l had lost hope. I made that call, to a man I respected, I refer to “That Call”, and it’s the last resort call, the one you make when you’re desperately crying for help. He said “Read Chapter 3 and Remember What You Are”, then get back to the basics of what you’ve been taught, clean house, trust God, and work with another Alcoholic. One more time I was sent a rope to climb out of the hole, by the process outlined in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and member of our fellowship. With God, steps, principles, traditions, service, and Grace, all can be met with integrity and courage. Thank you all for making a “Twelve Step” call on me.
Peace Out: M
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