In the first hours, and days of sobriety I had to learn to trust. I had spent the majority of my life being taught not to trust, my father instilled in me the idea of trusting no one or anything. He always liked to misquote, “believe none of what you hear and little of what you see” but to me it translated into that everything is left to interpretation. Since my perceptions were distorted by the intentions of my immediate needs, there was no truth, except what I wanted it to be true. This was a big motivation for me to misuse anything that I came into contact with; this was true misuse of self-will. I had no apprehensive thought, when I heard the program slogan “self-will run riot” it hit me to the core. When it became apparent I had to trust something to initiate sobriety, I started trusting for the first time ever. I started realizing that there were others that had the same fear of trust. Once I found that trust, was actually faith, I started to reformulate everything I had thought or lived before, and when the new formula started to take effect something started to change. People started to give me enough trust to share with me their thoughts, fears, and shame, and in this process I came to have more faith, in a Power that revealed it’s self though others. When the consciousness is revealed the light becomes brighter and brighter, and the path is revealed with more clarity. For me to continue on my way I must remember those first days, when I started to trust others, the trust of others trusting me is the key to my freedom. I have come to value the trust that people bestow on me, I can’t question God’s motives or purpose why he has given me the gift of others trust, I just need to be grateful and humbled. I always say that it’s hard for me to actually be humble, but when someone respects me enough to share the things that have created their mistrust; I have to say it is as close to a humbling act, as I have ever been. The Power of Light has been very kind and generous to this aging and insane man, Thank you Spirit whatever, and wherever you exist, for now I have a spot in my soul, the place that I could never fill, until you GRACED me with a gift of trusting something more than I.
Peace Out: M

I look at my past and I know that I must look back not with regret, but look back with gratitude of what God has delivered me from. The years of abuse that I subjected myself to, are a testament to the goodness of the Power of the Universal Energy. I have put myself in harm’s way most of my existence on this planet; things that I now know have given me insight to an insane mind, living in the depth of self will and delusions. Without the gifts of the experiences I have survived, it would not have given me the knowledge of self, that some say is wisdom, I say this is just insight to my flaws and failures, and my strength. The place I speak from is just from the witnessing of my truth and honestly facing my defects, my fears, my bad judgments, and my expectations, also for the denial of the existence of the Power. After finding out WHAT I am, not WHO I am, the knowledge that came with identifying that I was an Alcoholic that suffered from a disease of mind, body, and spirit, just the act of becoming aware of this, started leading me to awareness of powerful information, that led me toward the path of a Higher Awareness of myself and God. This term I use for the consciousness of something I don’t try to comprehend, define or understand, but in my soul I know has been there for me. For me indications and signs have been there all along, but I was too blind to acknowledge its presence or existence, I was blinded by denial, ego, pride and fear. There are things even in sobriety that I have done not out of bad intentions, but out of emotional reactions that cause others pain, but I know that I must never regret the past but must ever forget it, because in the acknowledgement of my past and present experiences, there is always a forgiving factor, that the Power Greater Than Me, has always had my back, even when it’s been up against the wall where there was room for nothing else, except the Angel’s Of Light, protecting me from my greatest enemy, the darkness of me.
Peace Out: M