When I did my first inventory I thought I was thorough in listing my resentments, fear, and sex categories. I had not learned the principles of honesty, integrity, and courage. As I look back I can see the depths of my disease and how persistent it is. It was easy to see all the liabilities, but admitting them was a different story. But there are two realities, the program I think I work, and the program I have. Just when I think I am coasting along, pride jumps in, followed by ego and backed up with it’s twin low self-esteem. Then my way out is to become judgmental, and blame it on you. This is followed by contempt, with humility nowhere in sight. After this pouring out of character defects, I have to utilize the assets provided me by the real program, the 12 steps. When I have run on self will long enough, and my ass is thoroughly beaten, and I am backed up in that corner, finally the humility comes from self humiliation. I am thankful that the lessons are learned through surrender.
Peace Out : M 2015