All my life I suppressed and oppressed my feelings, stuffing them down deep inside me and tried to manage, without having tools to accomplish forward motion. I also practiced omission and not being able to tell myself the truth, could not face my own defects, I lived on my own lie. Learning to live on an honest premise and principles is a great task for a lifelong liar, and consummate cheat. Deceiving ourselves or living an illusion is the basic idea that we Alcoholics thrive on, we must believe our own lies, to live in the denial of our disease. I oppressed the truth until I drove my mind and body to the edge, all with contempt and judgment for everything in my path, which left me in such a depression, I lost light. Living without hope is a miserable existence, there ceases to even be a reason to continue, this is where addictions of self-fulfillment left me. Everything I lived on in the past had to change, there were no more lies I could believe. I was taught a new way that was based on learning to remove dishonest motives, this is always a moment to moment process, and my lies to myself are the true enemy. I pray each day for the principle of honesty becomes the replacement of dishonesty. Telling me the truth is the key to my sobriety, everything depends on this principle, and my humanity depends on it.
Peace Out: M copyright 2014