It is always so easy to be ungrateful and not see what we actually do have. Years of chasing things that I thought I needed, led me to a life of fear, stress, and misery, I didn’t even know I was in misery. I was always just pretending that I was happy, I never really had it, it has taken years, and I do mean years to find. Someone said to me “you seem like your sad all the time” the truth is that I suffer from something that I read, and accepted, that I suffer from “cosmic loveliness”. I always suffer from this and it does cause me sadness, but that is an expression, that most of us Alcoholics and Addicts suffer from. I know in my deepest of deepest that there is no one that can bring me happiness, or love me enough, because of that. Here is where the belief in a Power Greater than me has changed a great deal in me. It has taught me, that first I had to stop having expectations, second stop making judgment’s, third don’t assume things, fourth stop playing God, and fifth appreciate what I have been given. There has been so many realizations of the facts that this has all been a gift, and I am not talking, since I have been sober. I have come to realize that everything, good and bad, has been amazing. There would be no today, without yesterday, yesterdays have given me the experience of today. Yes I do suffer of that cosmic loneliness, but today if I work hard enough, I see all the love that is around me, and it is there, if I just accept, not expect things, and just let it in. This I have learned by having those moments that there is sadness, because I see I must change the perception, this is always the trick. Anything can be changed if I just know that it is up to me, I must make this change with the faith that there is a Spiritual Power guiding me. This has been proven to me, in so many ways and fashion. If I just be willing to let love fly away, it always flies back, I just have to recognize the bird that lands on my shoulder. The gift is always in the recognition, that it really all is a gift, thank you God for loving me enough, to allowing me to open this gift.
Peace Out: M