Doing this type or writing has to be done from retrospect and experiences of the past, and present, and it is not always pleasant to expose myself on these levels. My emotions are ignited and fueled by experience of sharing, but at the same time there is a genuine sense of freedom, and I have felt this from the first day I raised my hand and earnestly said “my name is Michael and I am an Alcoholic”. It wasn’t that I didn’t know it, but I never conceded to that fact, and not until that moment (and I am sincere about this), did I feel a freedom of honest intent. I remember that as the meeting progressed, there were things read and shared by others, which started to mirror my experience and feelings of where I was at that moment in time. This feeling continues as I go on day by day, and I realize that for me I have to dig deep, to match the depth of my disease. We say that we only have a daily reprieve based on our spiritual condition, and as time goes by the more the truth of that is revealed to me, and I also know that the deeper I go the less I really know, but I know what I must do to continue sobriety. This statement to me is evident in my daily activities that involve myself and you, my higher power is constantly manifesting in ways that are always amazing, but I can’t understand why always, so I just have to give thanks. One of my favorite poems is called “Footprints” it is very real to me, as I am looking back at my life I know that I should not be here, I tried all my life to find ways to destroy myself, but yet here I am. In the past two weeks a number of things happened that where not even possible, but I put all in God’s hands and asked for direction, and it came to me as I ask for it. You must understand, I was a person who absolutely did not have faith in anything I could not feel or see, I lived on a totally material basis, and to now live by a completely different train of thought is more than amazing. I was told to trust and more would be revealed, I had no idea that it would get as deep as it is at this point in time. I was feeling pretty depleted last night about something, and that’s why I couldn’t write, so I shut the computer down got down on my knees and just thanked the Spirit for the beauty in my life and asked him to just remove all those things that were conflicting me, after I finished and laid down I started to listen to some music, and a friend texted me, we shared for a short while and the beauty of how the prayer was answered, was revealed to me. I had asked God to take away the conflict and though the power working though the beauty of another person, it took it all away. The point to all of this is that I believe that the deeper we go looking for that Power the clearer that Light shines not from the shallow water but to the depth of the endless ocean of God’s truth.
Peace Out: M