In the first hours, and days of sobriety I had to learn to trust. I had spent the majority of my life being taught not to trust, my father instilled in me the idea of trusting no one or anything. He always liked to misquote, “believe none of what you hear and little of what you see” but to me it translated into that everything is left to interpretation. Since my perceptions were distorted by the intentions of my immediate needs, there was no truth, except what I wanted it to be true. This was a big motivation for me to misuse anything that I came into contact with; this was true misuse of self-will. I had no apprehensive thought, when I heard the program slogan “self-will run riot” it hit me to the core. When it became apparent I had to trust something to initiate sobriety, I started trusting for the first time ever. I started realizing that there were others that had the same fear of trust. Once I found that trust, was actually faith, I started to reformulate everything I had thought or lived before, and when the new formula started to take effect something started to change. People started to give me enough trust to share with me their thoughts, fears, and shame, and in this process I came to have more faith, in a Power that revealed it’s self though others. When the consciousness is revealed the light becomes brighter and brighter, and the path is revealed with more clarity. For me to continue on my way I must remember those first days, when I started to trust others, the trust of others trusting me is the key to my freedom. I have come to value the trust that people bestow on me, I can’t question God’s motives or purpose why he has given me the gift of others trust, I just need to be grateful and humbled. I always say that it’s hard for me to actually be humble, but when someone respects me enough to share the things that have created their mistrust; I have to say it is as close to a humbling act, as I have ever been. The Power of Light has been very kind and generous to this aging and insane man, Thank you Spirit whatever, and wherever you exist, for now I have a spot in my soul, the place that I could never fill, until you GRACED me with a gift of trusting something more than I.
Peace Out: M