Dealing with the feelings I have, is always an enormous challenge for me. I grow attachments for, and to people, places, and things, and then invest time and effort, and when my feelings aren’t fulfilled or returned, I am either angered or crushed. I will drive myself crazy, with both; I start to resent them for not seeing, what I think they should see or feel what I do, and this, is something I fight with every day. When I lose my focus that I must continuously ask for direction and guidance, with all my affairs, I stand in jeopardy, of forgetting my primary purpose, and the code of love and tolerance. All these feelings I have are a reflection of my selfishness, and my intentions, the two things I must always be on the lookout for, I must always not assume, or expect that I should receive anything back, I GOT NOTHING COMING! When I forget that, I walk around in self-pity and broody emotions, shutting out the true knowledge of the gifts I have, and the LIGHT. I have stated before, that alcoholics suffer from that cosmic loneliness that nothing can fulfill, and if we can’t connect with a spiritual awareness, we are forever lost in the outside search for an inward solution. I must not forget the love I have, and the hundreds of people who have given me more than I can ever give in return, those are the feelings I must learn to remember to feel. The universe is large, my mind is shallow, and unconditional love is perplexing, God Grant Me Serenity.
Peace Out: M