When I first entered the rooms of recovery, one or the questions I was asked was, are you willing to go any length? Answering as quickly as possible l said yes, at that moment I was operating on fear and low self-esteem, I didn’t want to seem stupid by answering incorrectly. This was old behavior, I had no idea what that the implications of this statement meant, but in the days, months, and years, I have come to the understanding of the meaning of that decision. In the first days, it was about just not drinking and using, and the feelings that resulted from physical and mental withdrawal, and as time progressed the physical and the mental obsessions were overcome but then I was left with emotions that I had never dealt with, and experienced. The next few years I started to live a life based on the program of recovery, and things what I had missed and never felt before. This was pretty amazing and new, it went on this way for a while with a few setbacks, but no major situations. Then 13 years in and a lot of work that I had been challenged to put into action, circumstances in my personal life fell apart. My wife and I separated, and eventually divorced, health issues started becoming real, my emotions were driven to the surface, and in spite of all I had changed and experienced, I fell into despair, I lost hope. Now faced with divorce, childless, illness, jobless, alone, and in debit, l was once more down the rabbit hole, uncertain and sucker punched by life, at that moment I was sober but lost and depressed. I sat for three weeks with a bottle and a gun, trying to decide which one to choose, I wanted out, l had lost hope. I made that call, to a man I respected, I refer to “That Call”, and it’s the last resort call, the one you make when you’re desperately crying for help. He said “Read Chapter 3 and Remember What You Are”, then get back to the basics of what you’ve been taught, clean house, trust God, and work with another Alcoholic. One more time I was sent a rope to climb out of the hole, by the process outlined in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and member of our fellowship. With God, steps, principles, traditions, service, and Grace, all can be met with integrity and courage. Thank you all for making a “Twelve Step” call on me.
Peace Out: M
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