When I started the 12 steps I didn’t realize how many pieces of my life needed mending. In working the process I started to hear the message of bondage of self, and recognize just how self-centered I was. I couldn’t see past the walls of my defenses that kept me in that contempt of everything except those things, that fed my own selfish motives. In that contempt I only selected things that met the criteria of my distorted thinking. When I conceded to myself that I was an Alcoholic, enough open-mindedness seeped in to start listening to something other then me. When it came to step 3, I was told I only had to make a decision to believe in something more than that self will which had failed me. In my decision to believe, was to trust men in the rooms who felt, and experienced life as I was living, these were men who were driven to the same destruction as I. Steps 4 and 5 made me take that deep honest look at what was broken and needed mending, and have the courage to drop my walls and share those things about my character that had to be corrected. Becoming entirely ready have these things removed, was the most difficult and continues to be difficult step for me, just when I think I am prepared to let go of something, ego and fear step in to create justification for not letting go yet. Trying to humble myself enough to let things go is a constant challenge, but because of 8 and 9 in the amends process I am presented with a guide to humility. Steps 10, 11, and 12, are where I must stay to achieve any kind of mending, it’s though watching my daily actions, seeking something greater than me, and trying to love and serve others is where my true mending of broken parts lies. I thank you for making a 12 step call on this man who had many broken parts.
Peace Out: M copyright 2014