Why is it that I resent the ones that love me, usually because they don’t love me enough? Why is it I resent those who don’t love me, usually because they won’t love me enough? Quite a dilemma, but it’s one that has been with me always, it perplexes me deeply. I spent my life searching for that, I know that even as a child I questioned that my parents ever really loved me. I have learned from sobriety that I suffer from, as I’ve said before “cosmic loneliness”, this is a result of, my lack of Spiritual awareness and the inability to grow enough in what is called unconditional love. As a human being I have been in fear of loving without conditions, if I don’t learn to learn this one principle I will forever live in that loneliness. The only thing that delivers this principle to me, is to learn to servers others, and for that brief moment of helping, I discover the true feeling of loving without conditions. This has been presented to me so vividly, in the process of working with others, who are rooted with the same dilemma as me. When someone is presented to me, at that moment the conditions are silenced, there are no wants, nothing in it for me, except the desire to help. Is that still a condition, well back to square one, unconditional is as elusive as humility, something I have prayed for my entire sober life, my prayer is “God grant me humility to surrender my ego, and the courage to love unconditionally’. The Spiritual Principles are where the teaching and learning begins and ends. Please forgive me for not loving you enough, and not letting your love in.
Peace Out: M copyright 2014
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