I have to teach my never ending mind of thought of self-imposed chaos, to be still, quite, and move to safer, higher ground. Doing this is a process, of removing those obstacles, which block my way, from peace of mind. The beginning of this process starts when my eyes open, and realize, that my mind started talking way before I was at the point of opening them. So it’s an effort to even say thank you for allowing me to be awake, and see another day. To say that, is my first communication with something that I don’t need to identify, or understand, I ask that unidentifiable entity, to let me hear a message of depth and weight, and to carry a message. In that conversation I also ask for the ability to love, and be loved, and to have the courage to face you, with honest intent, and humility of the fact that I need the community of us. It is also necessary for me to ask, to stay open-minded enough, and not shut the door on myself. In the past I locked myself in that room of contempt, a room with no doors, a room that I had to fill with the angels of indulgences, to keep me company, this is the only way I could exist alone in there. Isolation is the beginnings of my separation, where the only voice I hear is that of my own self-pity, whining, fears, and loneliness, and in that isolation I have nothing to hold on to, that can build an arch which I can walk through.
When I was presented with the idea that I didn’t have to live there any longer, I just had apply the trinities of Sobriety – Service, Unity, and Recovery. When I begin to let those with the message in, and get out of me, and do for others, I started on the journey of recovery of my hopeless, state of mind and body. This came with a few suggestions, to help me find a “Power Greater Than Me”, which was the gateway into the realm of spiritual knowledge of awareness, of where I failed at my life. This came at a small cost to me, all it took was to stop the indulging, until I found clarity of the mind I destroyed, the body which was failing, and the Spirit I denied because of my contempt.
If you are struggling in that same room of despair, which I know so well after living there for 41years, I want to let you know that there is hope for the hopeless, there is faith for the faithless, if we just become willing. Finding willingness was not that difficult, I started to believe in hope, when those who had been hopeless before me, surrounded me and opened the door, and set me free. I have to ask every day for freedom, for every moment until the moments end, and I all have to do is,” Trust God, clean house, and help others”, one of the many trinities that help me achieve recovery.
Peace Out: M