The hardest lessons to learn are the things we resist the most. For as long as I can remember I was not a patient person, when I wanted something or had expectations of things to happen, I wanted them immediately, I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it RIGHT now! This meant if things, weren’t going how I wanted them to go, I took it upon myself to start trying to manipulate situations, people, and things. The part of the equation I missed was that the outcome may or may not be to my liking, and if It wasn’t, I would place the blame somewhere else, so I could excuse myself of responsibility. This became the beginning of a problem, all my life was based on waiting, and as a child, I couldn’t wait for Christmas, or to reach my teens, and when I hit my teens, I couldn’t wait to become an adult. So when these milestones arrived, I was presented with disappointment. Then as an adult I started the process, of laying the blame elsewhere. This was always as a result of expectations, and the impatience, so when it came to replacing these two areas of my life with acceptance, it seemed impossible. When I was told that, if I wanted to find relief from those anxieties, which translated into addiction and alcoholism, I needed to pray and meditate, something I had no experience with, except those children’s prayers, that didn’t seem to work. So prayer and meditation felt useless, at that point. Meditation to me, was thinking myself into a delirious circle of either illusions or bad judgment; it had to be drilled into me that without attempting to achieve the awareness of the necessity of these two things, the development of any kind of higher consciousness, and relief was impossible. This was something I desperately needed, a new awareness. Once I started accepting and praying, things started to happen for me, the lesson of humility found through prayer and meditation relieved expectations, and the impatience became replaced with serenity. These things are now a way of life for me, these are the tools I need on a daily basis to maintain, this life as I know today, thank you for handing me those two gifts.
Peace Out: M